Life or Death

I have blogged about the Jodi Arias Case i believe before and i believe i have stated my opinions before. Again, this is just MY opinion. 

  It is now the penalty phase . I have been watching since day 1. I have seen everything, that is allowed plus tons extra. I'm not a lawyer or a judge. Just an everyday person who has become consumed with this trial. I watch HLN all day and everyday. I get twitter updates and i read every one's opinion. 

My thought is this. I am not for or against the Death Penalty. I believe that if the law requires this as the punishment then that is the punishment. There is a process for a reason. This what i believe our Justice System is for.

Is it Right ? Not sure. Is it fair? Not sure.

I Myself have never been in that position nor do i ever want to be in that position. But i find myself wanting her to get the death penalty. Not because she is a Liar, not because she asked for it. But because the murder of Travis Alexander was so incredibly disturbing.  A murder. A senseless murder. A murder that never had to take  place. A murder that could of been avoided at all cost.

   

Take all the players out. Take all the family's out. Take all the emotion out. Just look at it that way , if you can for just a moment. Just for a minute. Ask yourself , does the person who did this deserve to Live ? Deserve to get the needle and not have to suffer. To be free sort of speak? Is the answer the same?   

Now let's put in all the players: not really in any order

• the families, both victim and her family
• the emotions, 
• the media, 
• the opinions of others,
•  the facts.....etc

Is the answer the same. Can you sentence her to death? I still can. Why your asking yourself, well because she committed a crime that the punishment is either life or death.  

 Why give her life?  Why give her something she wants? Why?

First day of Spring

Happy First day of spring everyone. 

It's time to get out there and start planting. The weather is warming up here and we are getting ready for it.
   It's time to get the pool ready for those hot days. Believe it or not it's hot here during the spring, not like summer but hot enough to enjoy a day of swimming. With that said we went out yesterday and got a new sand filter for our above the ground pool. Little did i know that we also had to get sand for it. I thought it came with it. Lol. That's what i get for thinking.
    Besides that, we also bought a new Lawn mower blade because i broke the last one. Yep maybe i should stop mowing the lawn. lol I love to work outside so that's not gonna happen. My poor husband has to now install it. Let's see if he can do it without cussing me. lol.

Patchwork Monkey

 I also bought some new yarn and stuffing for the patch work monkey i am working on. I ran out of stuffing so had to get more. Lot's of new colors to add to my collection also. I can't wait to dig into it. 

I also found the yarn that i have been looking for for my cousins shawl. I could of ordered it online but i figured they would have to restock it sometime soon.  Yep i was right, they did. So now i can finish that project. 


Well i should start my day off. Happy First day of spring and Happy Hump day.

Helping on Tuesday

Happy Tuesday everyone. I wanna start this off by saying that i believe that addiction and alcoholism is a disease that cannot be cured. I am a daughter of a recovering alcoholic and addict. I am a sister of an active alcoholic and addict. I have been around addicts and alcoholics for well lets just say most of my life. In recovery and not in recovery. I believe in the 12 steps and i also believe in the Higher power. I Believe that if you want sobriety, and you work the program as directed then anyone can get sober. Is it hard? Hell yes. Is it Easy?  no it's not. But what i believe that if you have a great support group and you go to meetings and you do what you are suppose to  do you have a great start at being sober. It's not a guarantee though. There is no CURE. It's not like the flu. You can't take a pill for it.
  Why you ask am i writing about this, well I'm gonna tell ya. I was watching my In session this morning and what comes on, a commercial for Malibu Passages. I Hate that commercial. Pax what ever the hell his name is drives me crazy. I think that he is a phony and that he is getting rich off of people's misery and sickness.
   Alcoholism is not a pretty disease as neither is addiction. If it was pretty they would make a reality TV show. The Real drunks of Beverly Hills. I'm not talking about Dr. Drew's celebrity Rehab either. That show shows a bit of the hard work and the ugly side of detox. It's not glamorized. It's hard. It's not pretty, it's ugly. It can be down right disgusting.You can end up in Jail, Or sad to say Dead. I know to many people that just couldn't do it and they ended up in jail, some died from it. It's a disease. It can happen to anyone. no one is immune. It doesn't just hit a certain race or a certain sex, or this group or that group. It's what i call an all people disease.  
    Anyway, so this commercial comes on and i just feel so angry. I feel like it's slapping those who have worked so hard to get 2 days clean and sober to 30 years clean and sober right in the face. It's not a day at the spa. Come on now, don't you think if getting sober was easy and  enjoyable that more people would be getting clean. Don't get me wrong, it is great and enjoyable when you get clean and sober. You see things with a clear mind, with a new set of eyes you can say. I truly am a firm believer that if you use the 12 steps and accept a higher power that anything can happen. You can't do it alone though. You can't write your own program. You can't make up your own rules. You need the support of others. You need to go to meetings. There is nothing wrong with being clean and sober. There should not be shame in getting clean and sober. There is no perfection. There is only progress, there is only today.  I read the "passages web site" and i just got angrier and i felt sick to my stomach. Now remember this is only my opinion and my views. But it seems to me that you need to hit rock bottom , not go to some luxurious estate where you can play tennis and have a day at the spa, to get clean. Granted everyone's bottom is different. Hey more power to you if you can get clean in an estate and not feel the humility like others.
   Bill W.  the co-founder of AA  ( alcoholics anonymous) along with Dr. Bob, was an alcoholic himself. He went through his trials and tribulations and found out the hard way. He was hospitalized for the last time when he had his "spiritual Awakening". He never drank after that. When he thought he was going to drink or wanted to drink he found another drunk to help. What made him great is that he went through it all with the help of his  higher power and other drunks.  I'm sure he was afraid. I'm sure he was fearful. Who isn't those things on a daily basis though. Regardless if your a drinker or not. His life was not picture perfect. His Parents both abandoned him and left his grandparents to raise him. He was fighting depression, and he felt like he was just not good enough. But when he got together with other drunks he felt like he fit in somewhere. There were others just like him. 
  Today AA has  " over two million members belonging to 100,800 groups of alcoholics helping other alcoholics achieve and maintain sobriety.^[1]  " 
 My point is this.... If you are needing help..... then get help. Call someone. If you don't know who to call then go to a church and ask for help and guidance. Call information, Look on the web, look somewhere. You never know , You just may run into one of those 2 million people.It's easier said than done, but it just may save your life.
  http://www.aa.org/?Media=PlayFlash

Lead poisoning

Happy Friday Y'all. Hope everyone had a good week and is ready for the weekend. I know i am. Hard week this week and just glad it's over.  

 Took my little one to the doctor to once again get his lead level checked. It's so hard to watch him go through this and not being able to really do anything about it. He has had Lead poisoning for the last 3 years or so. We get tested every 3 months and even though his level is not that high 7, i believe it is affecting his behavior.

Tommy at 1 year 

   Tommy was my oops baby. I believed in my heart of hearts that i was done. I had 2 kids that were in there teens and i no longer had to really worry about having to get a sitter anymore, i was free in a weird sort of way. 

   Well god's plan was very different. I became pregnant at 36 and it was hard. I became very depressed, and i had gestational diabetes, and i was just not a happy camper with this pregnancy. This was a very different feeling from my other pregnancies. 

   So back to Tommie's behavior. I asked the health department worker that came out to the house if his level could be affecting his behavior. Besides just being spoiled rotten, His "fits" we will call them , i noticed were getting worse, and that they became more frequent. Almost like a Jekyll & Hyde thing. One minute he is OK and then Bam flipping out over nothing. When i say flipping out i mean Hitting his head on the tile floor, throwing things, hitting himself etc. 

  When Tommy first started this i thought OK terrible 2's right. I asked his Pediatrician, other mother etc. I was looking on the internet for any possible answer. We had his blood tested at one of his doctor's appt. and it came back that his lead level was a 10. So they tested it again. Came back a 7. The doctor just said OK will keep an eye on this and test him every 3 months or so. 

   Ummmm excuse me what can we do about this??????????????? Hello my kid has lead poisoning and you are just going to keep an eye on this. I was shocked. My mother was shocked. we were all like what the hell. So when we got home we of course all started looking up and researching lead poisoning. the Facts, the myths, etc. 

    As i researched it more and more , the more i became more and more confused. Sensory overload i would call it. I wanted to test everything. i called my landlord and was mad, I totally over reacted of course putting all the blame on her and her home that i rent. It's older, built in like 1940 or so. So i figured that it was all the pipes and the 50 layers of paint on the walls, the floors, etc. I told her that i was gonna move, yeah right, and i wasn't going to pay rent until she fixed the pipes etc. Yeah right again.

Tommy at 3 years with his baby cousin Parker and Big sister Jenna .

   His lead levels were down  to a 3-4 since the last time we got tested, which was in October. So i believe that they are back up since his behavior is again outrageous. Back to hitting his head, himself, and others when he gets mad. I also think there is an underlying something besides the lead. His half brother and dad acted the same way i have been told. So the battle has just begun. I am willing to fight this with all my might. It has taken a toll on me already , but Tommy needs me to fight , and that's what I'm gonna do. I love him with all my might. This is my job. 

 It's not going to be easy by any means and with fighting depression myself, dealing with the out of control behavior of a 3 year old , it's going to be a big battle. But i believe that we will get through this. Together with lots of prayers, lots of praying, and lots of support from others we will.

Disneyland 2013.......

So last Friday i took my daughter and her boyfriend to Disneyland for her 20th birthday. That is what she wanted. She is Such A Disney Freak  and a big baby, I also took my 3 year old thinking he would totally dig it. Boy was i wrong. lol
   A week before we go we tell him that he is going to go see Mickey Mouse, Buzz Light Year etc.... and he starts to get excited. Everyday he says "are we going to Disneyland,?let's go mom, let's go nena !" ( that's what he calls his sister) all day and everyday. We explain to him not till Friday. Like a three year old knows time. It's all about right this second. lol
  Anyway, We leave Thursday night get to our hotel, and we walk down to downtown Disney. Which was just a block or so away. It was my first time experiencing Downtown Disney . They have shops, restaurants, live music etc. We went into the Lego Store and saw all these really cool sets, and took pictures. Went into the Disney Store and wow , that was the biggest Disney store i have ever been in. Got some hot chocolate and just enjoyed the atmosphere with my husband and kids. Get back to the hotel and crash out.
  So Friday morning comes and we are headed to Disneyland. So excited and ready for the day. Just need a really big Pepsi and I'm good. lol Gotta get that caffeine jump start.
 We get there and everyone is singing their favorite Disney ride song, Pirates of the Caribbean Preferably, and We get to the trams and the baby starts. No i want to go home. WHAT?????? You have to be kidding me. Not even into the park yet and already. OK he's a little crabby , maybe not awake just yet. This is kinda early for him. lol
Anyway we get the stroller, we get in and we are off. Down main-street. We see Mickey, Minnie, Pluto, Goofy etc oh how fun is this. I ask Tommy "do you want to go say hi and take pictures with everyone?" " No i want to go home" WHAT ??????
  We go have something to eat and then hit the rides.
First up , The Jungle Cruise. No line just walk on. Pretty nice i have to say..... We get on the boat and he is in my lap scared. Mind you nothing happens on this ride. You just go on a boat and with about 20 other people and ride. No big deal right. Wrong...
 That's when i decided that the big kids can go and we would meet up with them later.  Well that didn't work really either. All of our phones died and we pretty much stuck together. We rode more rides, hit Toon town, watched Fantasmic and the fireworks over the castle. Finally time to go home.
   Long story short, My daughter had a great day and My Baby .... well let's just say he is not a Disney baby. lol We all had a great day. Lots of walking. I mean lots of walking. My feet and back hurt for a couple days but all in all it was fun. Can i say it was worth all the money we spent.., probably not, but then again you can't put a price on your kid's happiness. 

Memories

So last night my husband went to go stay with his grandma for the night. It was so cute. It got me thinking that I wish I had a grandma to go spend the night with. Both sets of grandparents have passed. But it got me thinking about all the times I did go stay with my grandparents.
My fathers parents I spent a lot of time with. I was always over there. It was fun to go pick strawberries with my grandpa and go "treasure hunting" garbage picking and finding neat stuff. Roller-skate around the complex etc. My grandma would take me to the store, teach me how to cook , and how to crochet. That was the first time I was introduced to the art of crocheting. I was probably 6 maybe. I could do a simple chain but that was about it. They moved to Ohio when I was 7 and I didn't really get to see them much after that. I went to Ohio in 1999 to visit them and I new that was probably the last time I would see them, and it was.
My mothers mom was the best. I loved being with her more than anything. She was my everything, my best friend. She would let me play with her hair and do her nails and her makeup when she would come to visit. We would play rummy all night and laugh. When she wasn't at our house I would travel to Arizona and visit her every chance I could. We would watch the price is right ( good ole bob barker) and have doughnuts dipped in coffee. I would play dress up with all her clothes and jewelry. She was the best. I miss her so much. I miss my grandma and grandpa Stojkovic too , but grandma Lou well she was perfect. To me anyway. I know that she wasn't perfect and as I got older and heard more stories I learned that she was depressed, and that she popped pills. I see were I got it from. I no longer pop pills but do suffer from depression, as does my mother.
So when my husband said oh I just won't go, I got mad at him. I told him I wished that I could go stay with my grandma and play cards again and talk all night. I would give anything to have my grandmother alive. We need to be grateful for the little things in life. For having people in our lives even if its just for a moment or for 15 years or for 100 years.

I hope you all take the time to call or visit someone special in your life for just a moment. Enjoy them, cherish them, and love them.
Have a happy Tuesday . Blessings to all.

Trial Watch 2013....

Growing up i was taught right from wrong. I was taught about the Ten Commandments . I wasn't raised in a real religious home but we did the church thing on special occasions. That was OK for us. As I got older I tried this kind of church that kind of church etc. with friends and their parents.
It wasn't until I had my own kids that I really belonged to a church or felt the need to go to church. That's not saying I didn't love or believe in God / a higher power before i had my kids . I think I was really angry at god for "taking"my loved ones away. I didn't understand of course at the time that he wasn't taking them away from me personally. I didn't get that concept until later, much later in my life after I had so much heart ache.
  I lost my grandmother when I was 12-13 , I think , and I was so angry. My grandmother was my best friend, my everything, my world. At that age she was like gold. Well she still is in my book.
  Growing up and getting into high school I lost a lot of friends. Some got sick ,some were in accidents ,some were even murdered, some even took their own life.
  Anyway I am watching the #AZ vs. Jodi Arias trial and I find myself becoming so involved. (just like the Casey Anthony trial) I'm yelling at the TV and cussing at her and at her lawyers. I am getting so tired of these women playing the victim and not taking responsibility for their own decisions , and there own poor judgments. Come on now you can't use "my mom and dad spanked me with a spoon and a belt " so I was abused bull crap for your defense. I was Spanked with much worse and i haven't killed anyone. I was cheated on by my boyfriends, hit by my boyfriends etc.. but i never ever took someone Else's life. I have been in horrible relationships in the past but never did i shoot or stab anyone. I actually have been in fear for my life and my kid's life but i never killed anyone. ( That is a whole different topic/ Oprah show)This isn't to say that there are not  women out there that have killed their spouses or boyfriends,lovers.partners are wrong for making that choice because it was probably the only choice. I am just talking about this case.
   Using the whole i was miss treated by my first boyfriend and others there after is a crock of shit too. Using the whole i was a battered woman syndrome defense is also a load of crap. Honestly i find it offensive, that her lawyers are using any of this crap. I get that they are gonna do and say anything to save her from getting the death penalty that is their job, but really.
   This woman #Jodi Arias has lied and lied over and over about what happened on the day she murdered #Travis Alexander and there after. She (Jodi Arias) can remember everything leading up to that horrible day including where she bought water from 5 years ago and what she had ordered from Starbucks 5 years ago but she can't remember that she stabbed Travis 29 times in the back and slit his throat from ear to ear. Yes i believe people can have PTSD (post traumatic stress syndrome) and i do believe that you can black out. (alcoholics do it all the time), But don't sit there and fake cry, with your fake tears, and say you don't remember. It's a load of crap. Let's be honest. Let's tell the truth. Have you ever thought that if you were to tell the truth it just might set you free. Free from it all. You might be able to sleep better at night.
So her is my advice to you #Jodi Arias ,That you tell the truth and nothing but the truth. You would feel better. Yes you will have to face the consequences of your actions but that feeling in your gut , that sickening feeling will go away. Try it.

Happy Monday ???????

Happy Monday to you all. 

Happy President's day to you all. Hope everyone had a great weekend. I had a great weekend. BBQ-ed  with the family and watched the Sprint Unlimited NASCAR race. Glad that racing is back on. It's been a long 3 months. lol

 Today is a beautiful day in central California. The sun is shining and there is a small breeze.  Perfect day to open the windows and enjoy the breeze, Air out the house and just enjoy.  Starting to feel like Spring around these parts. The flowers are starting to bloom and the grass is starting to come back. Color once again in the yard.

  Today i will start working on the lapghan, again.  I just need to even it out and then it should be done. Gotta get this done. It is driving me crazy that it has taken me this long to finish. I think that as soon as i get close to finishing projects i just stop. I have  issues with finishing projects. I always start new one's and leave the one's i should finish behind. 

  So today i will make a dent in it. I will not start a new project until i finish this lapghan or at least make a good amount of headway on it. I'm sure my aunt would like to have it and not hear, it's almost done. I have been putting it off for 2 months and i just need to get this done. I'm sure she will forgive me since i do have 4 kids and a household to run. Not that that's an excuse but.... lol 

    Happy Crocheting to all. 

 

Super Bowl Sunday 2013.

How many of you put yourself in food comas yesterday? I know I was right there with you. So much food. What was your favorite food yesterday? I ate so many carbs yesterday, but I just couldn't stop, it was so good. We had rice, we had twice baked potatoes , we had chips, we had dip we had hot dogs and beer butt chicken, tri-tip, chili beans oh my. Lets not forget the brownies either, or the beer and soda.
Now we definitely have some calories and fat to burn off. Too bad I hate walking. Lol I chase a 3 year old and that's good enough for me.
I think my favorite part of Super Bowl Sundays is not just the food but the company we surround ourselves with., oh and the game of course.
The half time show is always a plus and personally I think that Beyonce did a great job. It got me and my daughter out of our seats and acting like goof balls,dancing around and singing along and yelling "you go girl" lol.
That I believe is the most important part, being with family And being able to just be silly regardless of age.
I had such a great day yesterday with friends and family, a few we're missing but we all can't be together all the time.
I hope you had just as much fun as we all did.
Now it's Monday and I must look at what needs to get done for the week. Well I need to get a move on my aunts blanket and hopefully get some more beanies and headbands done. I would love to get a few scarfs as well done but I'm not gonna hold my breathe. That would be dangerous. Lol
Have a great day and many blessings to you all. Thanks for visiting.

Daily Goals

Is setting daily goals to much pressure on oneself or is it a realistic thing to do? How many of us make lists with Things to do today? 

   I know that i have done that more than once and i tend to right down what i have already done, which makes little sense since I'm the only one looking at it. Why do we do that?  

  Let's take yesterdays daily "tasks" or "goals" list i made for myself:      

•   Crochet 20-30 hexagon's 
•   Make some headband's
•   Work on getting my yarn organized again.
•    Getting some laundry done and actually put it away. 

So let's go through them. I made some head bands , i did do some laundry and it's folded but it's on the table in the kitchen, so do i get half credit?  I didn't organized my yarn and i didn't make hexagon's, I used my yarn and i went through it ,but i didn't organize it. I made not only headbands but  beanie's and i need to finish another beanie that is still on my hook. I chased a 3 year old around, made dinner early since the husband had to work last night, got dishes done, Talked to mom, chased down the older kids to see what they were up to after school, made sure all was well with the 19 year old,(She has more drama then MTV sometimes.)Watched the Jodi Arias trial while crocheting.

   So your asking yourself what the hell is the point to this. Well my point is that I'm  still  breathing, i am not a horrible person because i didn't do what's on my list, I'm not less than, I'm not a failure etc. I'm only human and maybe i should make weekly lists instead of daily. lol  We are not robots. Some of us are working inside or outside the home, some of us have disabilities that limit us, some of us are mom's / dad's chasing small one's around, some of us have other responsibilities outside the home that we have to do, and then some of us are just plan lazy.
Just because you set Daily tasks for yourself and you don't get them all done does not make you a Failure.

   Today is a new day and maybe i can get to them today. 

   So my question for today is: 

  What are you gonna do today that you didn't get done yesterday? 

  What is gonna be different today? 

  I hope that this finds you all well and that you get what you need to get done today.  Don't be so hard on yourself and remember tomorrow is a new day.  

  Happy Thursday  

Hello Friends

Mini hexagon Lapghan

January 2013  

   So i started this blog to share my Crazy life with you all. To share the love of family, Friends and other things that make me who i am. My name is Erika and i'm about to turn 40 in March. I love all kinds of music, i love crime shows especially In session which are true life court cases. I just can't get enough of them. I love animals including my children. Yes my children. I have 4, well 5 if you count my husband. I have a 19 year old daughter, two 14 year old sons (not twins),and a 3 year old son.   We have a blended Family and what i mean by that is he had his and i had mine and together we have mine. lol. They are all mine now.

 

  Had to cut some hex's out , thank you Tommy for cutting mommie's work up.!! 

 This is my work in  progress. My mini hexagon lapghan. I started this back in November for a gift for my Aunt who has cancer. She is not only my aunt but my god mother and my friend. I have been working not only on this but other projects as well. I tell myself not to start another project but do you think i listen to myself. Of course not.

 Anyway back to this WIP  of mine.... I saw something like this on pinterest and thought i could duplicate it. Well i was wrong but i still love it and i am still going strong. The picture above was taken in November sometime. I have actually come along way since then.

Latest picture taken in January

I wish i could get farther along but i just continue to start other projects. I guess i should make a daily list of things to work on. I read other Blog's about crochet and i see that that's what they do and it seems to work for them. Maybe while  the baby is asleep i could get some more mini hex's done. 

But what color do i need to add? Can i actually start working on this and not get interrupted for the tenth time. 

What child is gonna need me this time. These are the type's of things that go through my crazy little head. I'm sure i'm not the only one in the world that has alot going through their head all at the same time.

    

Why is it that when you are not doing anything, and i mean anything they( the kids/Husband) want nothing to do with you, but as soon as you pick up the phone, pick up your hooks, start doing dishes, or whatever they need you right that minute? Why is that. I can never figure it out, and to top it all off I'm not sure who is worse, the husband, the children, or the dogs. 

  This is the kinda thing that i put up with on a daily basis. Oh add the Potty training to the list for the 3 year old. matter of fact maybe the husband to. Does anyone Else's husband need potty training? Geez i swear men get lazy or they just don't care that they are dribbling on the seat anymore. 

So for now i will set my goals for the day:               

•   Crochet 20-30 hexagon's 
•   Make some headband's
•   Work on getting my yarn organized again.
•    Getting some laundry done and actually put it away. 

And with all that said, i better get to it. I hope that you have enjoyed this as much as i have enjoyed sharing this with you all. I would love to get some feed back good or bad and maybe some ideas on how to make it better.